Harmful sexual behaviour is a sexual activity that lacks mutual consent and exploits another person. This includes pressuring someone to do something the other person doesn't want to do, touching someone without permission, or forcing someone to have sex when they don’t want to.
\n\nOne key difference between healthy sexual activity and harmful sexual behaviour is if power or manipulation is used over another person to get one's sexual needs met.
The main thing to remember is, except for a small minority of extreme cases, many people who sexually abuse will stop their abusive behaviour if they get proper specialised clinical help. Recent research in New Zealand show that a vast majority do NOT re-offend after completing treatment, with only 5% of adults re-offending*.
\n\nWe know that the work we do is something that's hard to talk about and difficult to hear. But we also know that it is work that is essential if we are all going to find a way to live lives free from harmful sexual behaviour.
Many people who abuse children have had some kind of problem in their early childhood. For nearly half, that problem has included being sexually abused themselves. This doesn't mean that anyone who has been abused will abuse others - most don't. People tend to abuse when a problem history and a sexual attraction to children are both present. Many people who abuse have difficulty relating to adults and spend a lot of time with children. It is important to remember that most of these people are not paedophiles, in that they also have sexual relationships with other adults.
\n\nPeople cause sexual harm to children they have access to and who seem vulnerable; that is, who seem isolated, sad, or children who would most likely keep quiet about the abuse. This person might threaten the child into secrecy.
\n\nPeople who cause sexual harm to children are great at covering it up. Many will deny to themselves and to others that they are doing anything wrong.
\n\nSexual abuse is not usually something that ‘suddenly’ happens. Most who cause sexual harm to children spend some time thinking about sexual acts with children. They plan carefully to create opportunities to be alone with children (e.g. taking them out for drives, camping or baby-sitting). The fact that those who cause sexual harm usually take their time can give well-informed parents, caregivers and children the chance to prevent abuse happening in the first place.
\n\nA big problem is that, most often, the ways in which someone starts to cause sexual harm to a child doesn’t look like abuse at all. Appearing nice, friendly and caring helps the person because of the trust gained. People are often not suspicious of their behaviour.
\n\nA paedophile is a child abuser whose primary sexual attraction is toward children. Most people who sexually abuse children are not paedophiles.
As well as grooming children face to face, some adults who sexually abuse children try to find and groom children using the internet and mobile phone texting. Some pose as children, or as concerned and caring adults in online chat rooms. These chat rooms allow those who sexually abuse children to make contact with children, groom them (sometimes several at one time) and then arrange meeting with them.
\n\nAnother form of child sexual abuse that occurs online is the downloading of child sexual abuse imagery (child pornography). There is a growing problem of downloading, trading and making child sexual abuse imagery using the web. Every piece of child pornography is a picture of a child being sexually abused. Those who watch or collect child pornography are participating in child sexual abuse. Research in NZ and overseas suggests that many of those who watch child pornography are likely to commit a sexual assault on a child.
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If you're causing harm towards a child or young person and you need help, contact SAFE.
\n\n*From Ian Lambie's research, "Getting it right An evaluation of New Zealand community treatment programmes for adolescents who sexually offend, 2007".