What's harmful behaviour? – Child

While this concept is incomprehensible to most people, problematic or concerning sexual behaviour does happen between children. When a child engages in sexual exploration or activity with another child (be it a sibling or other age peer) that is not developmentally/age appropriate this may create feelings of fear, confusion and upset.

Small children (both girls and boys) touch their genitals because they're curious, because it feels nice and because it comforts them when they're upset or anxious. They often hold themselves when they're nervous or need to go to the toilet.

It's also common for preschoolers to become involved in sexual play with other young children - for example showing or touching genitals or bottoms. They do this to learn about other people's bodies - what's different and what's the same.

Ages and stages

Babies and toddlers:

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• Often play with their genitals when their nappies are off
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• Will play with their poo, given the chance
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• Love being naked
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Three-year-olds:

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• Are usually not shy about being naked
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• Are aware that they're a boy or a girl
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• Are curious about other people's showering, bathing and toileting habits
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• Play games where they look at other people's bodies
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Four-year-olds:

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• Are interested in sex words, dirty jokes and toilet humour
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• Are curious about animal's bottoms and toilet habits
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• Are still interested in looking at other people's naked bodies
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You can read more on preschoolers and sexual behaviour - what's normal and what's not, here.

When children's emotional and physical boundaries are violated routinely, it may leave an unconscious feeling of distress, which in some cases can manifest as problematic or concerning sexual behaviours.

The child or young person's age, level of stress in the family, presence of family violence and exposure to sexual material at a young age may also influence the type and degree of problematic or concerning sexual behaviour.

Aggression may also be present in children who are displaying concerning sexual behaviours. These behaviours may not disappear by themselves and may require specialist treatment.

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• Are confused based on what they see on television, video games, magazines, movies or the web
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• Do not receive adequate adult supervision. When left alone they may be left with adults or young people who expose them to too much sexuality
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• Live in homes with a sexualised environment e.g. parents who fight about sex, sexual language, sexual jokes or comments about others' bodies, sexual gestures, watching R-rated movies or pornography around children
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• Live in homes with no physical or emotional privacy or boundaries i.e. not locking or closing doors in bathrooms or bedrooms, nudity in living areas, children's nudity and body parts being discussed and inspected beyond what's healthy
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• Children/youth who don't get clear age-appropriate info about sex & sexuality
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• Parents exposing the child to their own sexual attitudes or sexual talk
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• Other factors that could influence children developing concerning sexual behaviours include stressful or traumatic life events or extreme feelings of rejection.
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