Causing harm – Child

Families should always feel safe and nurturing. At any point when any member of the family feels controlled, fearful and harmed is never okay.

The main thing to remember is, except for a small minority of extreme cases, many people who cause sexual harm will stop their abusive behaviour if they get proper specialised clinical help. Recent research in New Zealand show that a vast majority do NOT cause further sexual harm after completing treatment, with only 2% of adolescents and 5% of adults re-offending*.

Children and young people are less likely to continue to cause harm than adults especially if they get specialist help as early as possible. Treatment provides people with the awareness and skills to prevent further offending so they can go on living constructive and abuse-free lives.

SAFE provides specialised treatment services to children, youth and adults who are causing harm to 17 year olds or under. If you need help resetting your life's course, click here to contact SAFE.

Small children (both girls and boys) touch their genitals because they're curious, because it feels nice and because it comforts them when they're upset or anxious. They often hold themselves when they're nervous or need to go to the toilet.

It's also common for preschoolers to become involved in sexual play with other young children - for example showing or touching genitals or bottoms. They do this to learn about other people's bodies - what's different and what's the same.

Ages and stages

Babies and toddlers:

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• Often play with their genitals when their nappies are off
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• Will play with their poo, given the chance
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• Love being naked
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Three-year-olds:

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• Are usually not shy about being naked
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• Are aware that they're a boy or a girl
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• Are curious about other people's showering, bathing and toileting habits
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• Play games where they look at other people's bodies
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Four-year-olds:

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• Are interested in sex words, dirty jokes and toilet humour
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• Are curious about animal's bottoms and toilet habits
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• Are still interested in looking at other people's naked bodies
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You can read more on preschoolers and sexual behaviour - what's normal and what's not, here.

When children's emotional and physical boundaries are violated routinely, it may leave an unconscious feeling of distress, which could then manifest as sexual behaviours. This becomes a coping mechanism for them to diffuse their confusion, tension and anxiety.

The child or young person's age, level of stress in the family, presence of family violence and exposure to sexual material at a young age may influence the type and degree of sexual behaviour.

Aggression is closely linked with sexuality for children who are developing concerning sexual behaviours. When left untreated, these could compound and get carried over to adolescence, teen years, through to adulthood.

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• Are confused based on what they see on television, video games, magazines, movies or the web
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• Do not receive adequate adult supervision. When left alone they may be left with adults or young people who expose them to too much sexuality
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• Live in homes with a sexualised environment e.g. parents who fight about sex, sexual language, sexual jokes or comments about others' bodies, sexual gestures, watching R-rated movies or pornography around children
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• Live in homes with no physical or emotional privacy or boundaries i.e. not locking or closing doors in bathrooms or bedrooms, nudity in living areas, children's nudity and body parts being discussed and inspected beyond what's healthy
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• Children/youth who don't get clear age-appropriate info about sex & sexuality
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• Parents exposing the child to their own sexual attitudes or sexual talk
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• Are physically or hormonally different from other children
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• Other factors that could influence children developing harmful sexual behaviours include stressful or traumatic life events, feelings of rejection from their mothers, parents/caregivers with mental/severe physical illness, parents in jail or children being placed in foster care
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• Child wanting to play with younger children more than children of the same age. Developmentally, unless there are no similar-age children in the neighbourhood, most children select playmates of around the same age. In general, the wider the age difference, the greater the concern.
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• Child being too preoccupied with sexuality - in general, children's interest should be broad and intermittent. Preoccupation with masturbation at an early age is also a concerning sign.
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• Child who seem to have too much knowledge about sexuality and behave in ways more consistent with adult sexual expression.
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• Sexual behaviours continue in spite of consistent and clear requests by adults to stop.
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• Child eliciting many complaints from other children.
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• Child manually stimulating or having oral/genital contact with animals.
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• Child sexualising inanimate objects or toys.
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• Coercion, force, bribery, manipulation or threats are associated with sexual behaviours. If a child uses any of this to younger children or groups of children, this is a cause for concern.
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• Continuous erections in young boys.
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• Interest in watching bathroom functions that does not end after days/weeks.
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• Continues to touch/rub genitals in public after being scolded. 
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• Wanting to be nude in public after the parent repeatedly says 'no.' 
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If you're a parent or caregiver of a child or young person who is starting to exhibit concerning behaviours, remember that taking responsibility on the next steps will serve you and your child best, while self-blame is unhelpful and will only limit you. It's also ok to get help and support for yourself.

A vast majority of children and young people who get the proper specialist treatment do not re-offend, with only 2% of cases re-offending. Treatment will help them significantly change their life's course and better equip them in navigating life through to adulthood.