Hearing your child has been sexually abused can bring forward a range of responses from parents and other people in a young person’s family environment. These responses can include: shock, anger, confusion, denial, fear and even powerlessness. You may want to take revenge for your child or confront the offender, if they are known. As a parent you have a significant influence on your child’s journey.
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The way you react when you hear about the abuse can have a significant impact on the way that your child recovers from the experience. Staying calm, making sure that your child is safe and being emotionally available to meet your child’s needs can really help.
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Part of your role as a caregiver is to navigate your family through the disclosure period and beyond, containing and cushioning the impact of the young person's experience.
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Sometimes, when the abuse is historical and there is no apparent risk of further abuse, it is important to understand that your child may have been managing the situation for a long time. Be aware that self-managing for so long, your child may have developed healthy or unhealthy defence mechanisms. Your child may also have unaddressed 'triggers' that bring back memories of the abuse. The ways that they have responded to the abuse might make sense to you or they may not. Call HELP to get information and support.
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Although we suggest you process your personal responses away from your children, totally hiding feelings and vulnerabilities from your child may give the impression that what’s happened is not important, or that you don’t care.
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Sometimes young people do not want to talk about what has happened right away. This may leave you feeling like there are information blanks. Although the urgency to know is understandable, it can be overwhelming for your child to be expected to speak about what happened in detail. Sometimes feeling pressured to talk more or to ‘just do something’ may result in your child retreating and closing down or even retracting the disclosure. Let your child know that you are ready to listen when they are ready to talk.